5 Quick News Stories: Barbies, New IPhone, Holocaust Pageants, and a whole lot of Irony!

The Man with the most extensive barbie collection in the world (6,000) can’t get a date!

No shit. He claims that it’s because women feel inferior and are constantly comparing themselves to the thousands of children’s toys that he has around his house, but in reality, it’s probably because he lives in a goddamn pedophile warehouse.


First Customers Already in Line for New IPhone Apple hasn’t Released! 

Let us all facepalm in unison. I get why people might want to wait outside, in a crowded, dirty street, sitting in lawn furniture waiting for a new apple product that will surely be underwhelming. Just think of the experience! Instead of spending that week travelling the world – they are sitting in the middle of New York City doing absolutely nothing! Just wait until they get to tell their kids about how cool they used to be. 


94 year old woman wins second annual Holocaust Survivor Pageant!

Is this really a thing? The sponsors of the show say that the pageant is focused on inner beauty, but then again, that’s what the judges of Miss Universe say and we know those girls don’t have a whole lot of “inner beauty.” Oh, and just for the sake of saying it – doesn’t anyone else think that crowning one ‘winner’ in a group of holocaust survivors is basically telling the other survivors, ‘hey – you didn’t suffer enough to be recognized for this award. Sorry.’ What’s next – the Cancer Survival Awards?


Robber Tells Clerk ‘Don’t call the cops – I’ll pay you back bro’

Yeah, trust the guy that’s pointing a gun to your head that he’s going to pay you back the money that he just stole from you. Something tells me that because he had to resort to robbing a convenience store that his financial situation isn’t the best right now. Just think of this robbery as a ‘loan’ and he’ll pay you the money he owes you in 3-5 years with a 5% annual interest rate. 


4 Wounded in shooting at NC anti-violence rally

The irony is going to put me in an early grave. 


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