How to Make Bad Decisions
I was reading a news article today about a man who experienced a rather unfortunate event. He somehow managed to get a 4 inch fork stuck inside of his penis. Now, I know what you’re thinking, and yes it would be incredibly painful. Just look at the goddamn x-ray and try not to cringe
I can only imagine this 70 year old man (he should know better) try to explain this to the doctors and his family, because he is known to stick a wide variety of objects into his penis in order to achieve sexual gratification.
Because let’s be serious, nothing gets me off more than an embarrassing trip to the emergency room.
Anyway, I’ve compiled a list of other people who have made decisions so we can laugh at them together.
Florida Man Poops and Masturbates in Random Persons House
Don’t you hate it when you’re just chillin at home, when all of the sudden you hear footsteps on your roof? So you think to yourself ‘well I’ve got a wife and kids let’s go see what that weird ass noise was because it’s a little early in the year for Santa to be up there.’ You go outside and you don’t see Santa Claus, no no, instead you see Gregory Bruni on top of your roof – then Gregory Bruni jumps off your roof onto you and he knocks you over then runs into your house.
Needless to say you’re a little concerned at this point
Then you pick yourself up and run inside to see a naked Gregory Bruni rubbing your sons clothes all over his body, so you fire some warning shots at him trying to spook him like a dear late at night. But ladies and gentlemen, Gregory Bruni don’t give a fuck, he just drops to the floor and starts masturbating. When you try to stop him, he panics and takes a nice long poop in your house and then does the worst thing ever – he empties your vacuum bag all over the floor. What an asshole.
Why did I explain this news story like it happened to you?
Man lights Gas Station Toilet on Fire For Religious Reasons
I don’t even know what to say about this one.
The man, James Crittenden, was detained briefly after lighting a gas station toilet seat on fire and told police it was for religious reasons. I’m sure the police officers responded with ‘holy shit’, and then went about their day.
James Crittenden was arrested not long after for opening 10 cans of whipped cream and huffing their contents. He claimed it was his constitutional right.
Man lights head on fire because he told his friends he could do it
Sup Ghost Rider?
36 year old William Bonner bet his friends that he could poor alcohol on his head, and then light the alcohol on fire. I’m not sure if we should be glad that Bonner poured that alcohol on his head instead of his mouth, because to make an idiotic decision like that he had to have been verging on alcohol poisoning.
This is a lose/lose situation for Bonner. If the alcohol didn’t light on fire, then he would have embarrassed himself and poured alcohol on his head like a goddamn fool. If he was able to light the alcohol on fire, his head is on fucking fire and he looks like a goddamn idiot.
Hey Will, just a small reminder,